I Recommend It
Donald Trump sold the Empire State building. I didn’t know it was for sale. I picked it up cheap off of Ebay. I was looking for first printings of Beverly Cleary books and just happened upon it. Put in my price and bam, I own it now.
I plan to move the monkeys in any day now. They love riding on elevators. Now they have hundreds of floors to ride up and down.
I hate when they push all of the buttons though. It takes all God Damn day to get to the top.
Still, the monkeys are funny. I got them all cowboy hats and make them pork chops.
It’s a nice life.
I recommend it.
It’s Trout Mask Replica
Some young dude came into the gym with a Sex Pistols shirt on the other day. Now understand this is the year 2002 and in the South. The paradoxes run wild. Everything was wrong with that picture.
Anyway my twin sister was there and asks the kid if he likes the Sex Pistols. He says yeah, he saw them on tour. Now my wife is flabbergasted. She asks him how the Hell old he was. The kid says twenty-two. Okay, lets see, a bit of ciphering……the only US tour in 1977…..Last show in Frisco with The Avengers……..Sid dead….PIL…..time line is not right.
WAIT! YOU WEREN”T EVEN BORN THEN YOU FUCKING LIAR. I’LL BET THAT SHIT WORKS ON THOSE STUPID LAME BRAIN HIGH SCHOOL SPLITTAILS YOU TALK YOUR MISERABLE GAME TO BUT IT DOESN’T WORK HERE!
I WAS AROUND THEN. I REMEMBER THEM ALL. I STILL HAVE A FIRST PRESSING OF BULLOCKS AND I CAN’T STAND YOUR GENERATION LATCHING ON TO WHAT WE INVENTED AND WHAT DEFINED US! YOU CALL THAT SHIT YOU LISTEN TO PUNK? WHAT? BLINK-182, LIMP BIZKIT? YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PRODUCT OF POP, MTV CORPORATE SHIT. YOU WOULDN’T KNOW COUNTER CULTURE IF IT BIT YOU ON YOUR POSER ASS!!! FUCK!!!!!!!
The kid was obviously taken back and disheveled at this point. He replied. “I’m sorry, I did see them two years ago, and it was a reunion tour.” “I didn’t mean for you to think I was lying.”
“Oh, a reunion.” My sister said confused. She was as red as a beet. “With like Glen Matlock on bass?” “Yeah”, he said sheepishly. “Yeah, jeez lady.”
“Oh, she replied. “I did not know that”. I’m sorry, sometimes I just get, well, I meant all that, I don’t want you to think different, but sorry again…….I shouldn’t have exploded like that.”
So the kid leaves certainly shaken but unbowed. He walks out to the parking lot and up to me. Good old Charlie. He takes off the shirt to give it to me and says, “ Here’s your shirt back. Where’s my five dollars?” I hand him the fiver and then ask him, “You up for tomorrow, and hand him a Captain Beefheart shirt to wear. He looks at me like I am some demented motherfucker and says, “Sure, but it’ll cost you ten bucks, she was really pissed.”
That’s okay, I wryly reply and with an evil grin remind him, “It’s Trout Mask Replica.”
Acid
Thirty-five and I am ready to kick ass. This is the moment I have been waiting for well, thirty-five years. My acid has fermented and wants to be consumed so I shall share it.
Step up and see my show. It has many things beguiling. A shrunken head from the islands. Leg scissors of Naples. A Lions pelt, the first Egyptian. Oh true, the first Egyptian that ever existed.
Man, the stories he/ she tells. All in that pretty stuff. I love the eyes. Thick. Thick is good. It’s like saying something and meaning it, damnit.
I feel inspired enough now. Thirty-five. I have the way to make the drink a little more palatable. It is milky and cool to the touch. Touch it to your lips, your tongue. That smell is reminiscent of when you were little. Who shared that moment with you?
I am here to share the moment now. I am here to share all of the moments now. I exist in all of you. A silky mist slinking around every corner.
Not you, down in the desert. My skin is too fair. Stay where the wind is calm and the rain is an inch away.
The other ones I can only cry for. Not to touch them on that fateful night. I had a way to save but it was lost in the shuffle of my constant disregard. Didn’t see what was on your doorway. I see the whole not the parts. My God, you should see the models I would put together as a child. Complete insanity. Sculpture.
Art drives them to madness and I am trumped again.
Someone always cuts in line.
Thirty-five.
