This is not the conventional rant thing that I usually put together, although there a few things listed that rub me the wrong way, essentially this is a getting in touch with myself kind of thing…I started by asking myself what I know about me and the following is what I came up with.

 
I Have Come To Know Things About Myself

• Sometimes I drink too much.
• I don’t say my prayers as often as I should.
• People who call only when they want something annoy me.
• The touch, smell and energy of a newborn baby blows my mind.
• I hate politics.
• I prefer living alone rather than with a man.
• Checking the mail is unnecessary.
• I now equate “Muslim” with “murderer,” “hijacker,” “hatredist.”
• I try not to be as narrow as that last statement.
• I believe God is the most incredible and famed artist.
• I can sit and watch a bug’s behavior for far too long.
• I crave peace.
• I hate when something breaks right after I buy it.
• I eventually forgive anybody for anything (keyword- “eventually”).
• Websites built like the Winchester Mansion sort of piss me off.
• I fell in love a few years ago with a “private image” and never fell back out.
• I cry when my two babies fall asleep in my arms.
• I cry when I see my two teenagers running toward the finish line of childhood.
• I cry when my middle, misplaced child feels like he doesn’t fit into any of society’s pre-cut holes.
• People are an infectious disease spreading over the earth, pock-marking her formerly unblemished complexion.
• I want to tell adult people that “galunk” when they swallow liquids that they should have left that foul habit behind when they entered the 6th grade.
• I am committed to raising my children with as little net damage as possible.
• I have a recurring nightmare-other people call it laundry.
• I have to hang on tight to who I am, lest I lose part of me, one lost piece and the picture regresses back to a puzzle.
• I sense that George W. Bush will be assassinated this year.
• I believe the ice cream man and the dentist are in business together.
• Green things growing in the yard suck up the negative universal vibes before they can come into your home.
• Windchimes, hammocks, violin music, children’s laughter and birdsong possess this cool harmonia that heals the soul.
• My two back patio doors open to the South but their bad Qi may be neutralized by the entry, which opens to the North.
• I have a certain fascination for the mentally ill.
• I have no patience for stupid questions.
• I will spend the rest of my life trying to counteract all the negative cosmic karma I created as an emotional infant.
• Looking up at the night time sky intimately connects me with all that is pure and wholesome.


• I have been unable to teach my children to:
  1. Turn out the lights when they leave a room.
  2. Put their dirty clothes in the red barrel.
  3. Pick up their wet towels and hang them up.
  4. Not drip wet hands on the floor.
  5. Not drip wet bodies on the floor.
  6. Not run through the house wet and naked.
  7. Not sit at an odd angle while seated at the dinner table.
  8. Not jump on the beds.
  9. To take a towel with them to the shower/bath.
  10. Not write on the walls, the closet doors, the dressers.
  11. Close whatever door they just went through.
  12. To not plop down on the furniture.
  

• I have been able to teach my children to:
  1. Respect other people and their belongings.
  2. Finish their homework.
  3. To love and care for each other.
  4. To think about the fight before they start it.
  5. To share.
  6. To think of others.
  7. To be unselfish and generous.
  8. To be helpful.
  9. To be compassionate.
  10. To never tease those with disabilities.
  11. Violent behavior now is criminal behavior later.
  12. To put everything they have into whatever it is they decide to do.

       Throughout all the theories, probabilities, speculative rifling—I still believe that God drives my psychadelic, peace-signed version of the universal bus.

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I am this worn out, contemprorary version of Jesus' mother Mary. Five children kind of make you feel that way. I say Jesus' but prolly shouldn't, I am not even close to being Mary, and I have no little Jesuses. It was just the first thing that came to mind. I am still clinging to eons-old notions that some day I won't be a loser and large rocks will fill my hole. I have been conditioned to look forward to the month of May...why? I can't tell you that. I live in some far corner of the earth, and sometimes feel like I might want to just jump off...and since it's California I know better. Because in another 500,000,000 years it will all be underwater real estate anyway. That thought comforts me and saves me the trouble. I am still searching for who I am and what I do, so when I finally get it all figured out, I could probably jot down an acceptable bio, but until then just stay tuned.

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