i got thumb rings i'm kewl i got pinky rings i'm kewl i got middle finger rings i'm kewl my gurlfriend has toes i am gettin fat on bacon eggs and fried potatoes for some odd reason people wanna either feed me breakfast or shove something down my throat..i'll opt for the latter thank you very very much only cause i crave more protein lotion rather than cholesterol clumps and that handsome brown stallion out back wails a mighty nicker moves his mouth like mr ed tongue like somebody i know at my clit then gets a loooooooong stiff hard-on everytime i walk out the back door to grab a smoke...it's the biggest....ummmm.. something's happening... maybe something like this.....
**tujunga offramp**
alright
i know i
had to focus
HARD
i was drunk on California
zif but
more
soooo stoned and
i had that stuff with
me
in a backpack behind
the seat
i slid across the front
seat out into
early thursday morning
stood under
the streetlamp
(as ordered)
pulled over alongside
tujunga off
ramp on the
210
the highway patrol
man checked my
nj license the credentials to
my friends borrowed 85 ford
Dually
with the flashlight
cocked down cattycornered toward
his hand
and i swear that
shaft of light sparkled up
and down my spandex’d
legs
where are you coming from
a radio show
what radio show
i was a special guest on KILLradio a
poetry show in
los angeles
you were swerving
well i changed cd’s i
am not familiar with this vehicle i
have only 2
exits
to go to
wheatland
take your thumb touch the tips
of your fingers
one by one and back
again…
is this a test
do it 3 x’s
i went down the line
with great caution
slowly
tapping finger tips
one way then the
other way
i made it
(i thought)
how many times did you do that
1*2*3x's
which hand did you use
left…
?right
i was right about the left but
he didn’t answer then
his partner
the backup
walked up
unwrapping something
they looked
identical except
for the face
i stood
sturdy like
a storefront window
mannequin with
long hair
i could smell myself
a minor
aura of youth
dew’d wacky weed
the breeze stayed steady
resting
along the mountainside
do you know the legal alcohol limit
in the state of California
well no i don’t
do you know the legal alcohol limit
in new jersey
well no i don’t
his partner
handed him
some gadget
i want you to blow into this…
practice first like this and
he showed me how
well now
officer
sir
with due respect that surely is something you
don’t need to demonstrate i
know
how to
blow…
(i put on my marie osmond mouth)
he placed the white plastic
blowtube
between
my lips
his hands thinskinned rubber
glove’d
and i blew
softly
a little harder now
oooo~o.k. i mumbled inside the tube and
i blew harder
batting
my eyelashes
into the fresh 3.am
sky
like good tongue against
my clit
yes now i could see them both
holdin back a
smirk
well you’re not over the legal limit
i didn't ask what the legal limit was
in the state of california o
nj but thank
sweet jezus
christ now if they
hadda weed
alyzer....
here’s a souvenier
he slipped
the blowtube
part of the breathalyzer
tester into my
hand handed
back the paperwork and
told me to speed it up
have a nice
visit and
while luck
kissed
my ass i
drank
the rest of the zif
the rest of the way
home…
**i sleep with pens**
i love considerate men
especially
the considerate man
in bed
next to me
dreaming
for hours on end
ahead
of me
then i edge in
without a sound
rub his unconscious pecker good
night
lightly
through the blankets
it’s 5:00 am and within
the next second i am sound asleep
too
the next second later
it’s 6
the phone rings
i used to be
sound
asleep but
the considerate
fuck
alongside is
an early
riser he
answers the phone
nudges my shoulder
“hey babee you gotta pen?”
“o yea,” i grit
“i gotta pen
doncha know
i sleep with pens
what do you prefer
a classic ballpoint feltip rollergrip
name yer brand
sharpie pilot a fine cross perhaps
shoved in yer dickeye
let me pour you
a hot bottle of
indigo ink
and bring you to fountain pen
paradise
dude
hold on while
i pull a bic clic out
of my ass and
then
you can write me
a god damn
dream
while
yer at
it
3 hours at the airport
1
i hyped myself
into taking
this flight
from Philadelphia
to los angeles now
if it were a few months
earlier like after the
9.01.01
world trade center catastrophe
i would have
considered
another
alternative
2
the travel agent
advises me
along with
cnn announcements front page headlines
warnings from friends
enemies and probably terrorists
that i know that i don’t know
to be terrorists
to be at the airport
3 hours
ahead of schedule if
i expect
to make the flight
3
5:00 a.m.
at Philadelphia
airport security
check-in lasts
less
than 1 minute
let’s just say the best
part about all that
hoopla
would be
the frisking if
they did it
everywhere
4
i am
sitting in
terminal C30
3 hours before
takeoff
ready to jet and
so are 3 other
people
5
well the most interesting
thing goin down in
terminal C30 at
5:15 a.m is
the swank-lookin man
sitting across from me
sitting with his wife
(empty chair in between)
reading the latest
joan collins’ oo la la
marriage to
that young stud he
taps his wife on the shoulder
only cost him a million & ½ for her last divorce…
cheap she continues skimming the daily news
that’s a lotta money he kicks
his shoes off
plops them on top his carry-on
exposes the big HOLE
at the heel of his stale white left sock and
he continues to read
the national enquirer
yea big hole in his head
too
6
6:15 a.m
Wednesday
February 27th 2002 and
the sun is not
awake
yet on the east coast
and
1 more person
arrives
at the terminal that
makes
4
7
a band
of pilots or captains
pass past terminal
C30 pullin
carry-on’s on
wheels
gliding behind
everything
seems
normal…
8
…except that 4th
overseas looking guy that
just arrived
flippin haphazardly through
a book titled
the tainted house
ok now i feel a little
strained
9
good morning 6:30
hooray for JET ROCK
Bar & Grill
across the hall
a soothing DRINK
a last CIGARETTE
before take-off
a good conversation with
SOMEbody
10
so there’s no alcohol but
i smoke
a Winston 100 and
this very sharp guy sits next to me
in trenchcoat
watches the local news
from one of 10 tv’s hangin
tight above the length
of the bar
get the party started
blares from
some speakers
nearby
wow look at that weather in Indiana he spouts words and tea
simultaneously
o yea look at allthat ice sleet snow and shit I
didn’t bring along my jetski i chime
you goin there he asks
well no i said i’m jettin to l.a.
and
that was
that
11
now here’s
a winner
on the other side
on the stool right next
pulls a white handkerchief from
his back pocket
blows his big crooked schnozzz and
blows
blows and
blows
like a round of steamy wet farts before
a good wicked shit that
can’t quite let
loose then
wipes
back and forth
pushes a section
of handkerchief way up
a nostril with
a forefinger rolls
it all into
one gummy gooey ball and
stuffs it
back into his back
pocket well
how’s the morning goin’ for ya little lady
excuse me i feel the need to
puke and
i walked around to
the opposite end
of the
bar
12
WOOT WOOT
the bar bar is now open
7:00 a.m.
1 hour to
splash myself
he has a big square
clubtype ring
left hand left of the
middle finger with a massive diamond in the
middle
he orders
a bloody mary
$8.56 the pretty lanky bartender lady said
gawd that’s airport robbery i said
want one he said
make it wine and ya gotta deal i said
give the lady whatever she wants he said
what do you do i said
nothing he said
it’s a fad i said
so we did nothing
except
had another
drink
it was worth
it
13
walked over
to C30
7:30 a.m.
i am alright secure
lit a little
cattle call
people with children handicapped and
the la de dolls with
1st class board
1st
2 hundred people ahead of me
5 random big bagged people
checked now
this is security
14
on board
on time
13F the wing
window
center seat clear and
a fine man
takes the aisle seat
now i'm into this
shit
15
the invention of the airplane
is phenomenal
idiotic
in sync
the way it lifts off flys through
the air like
a beautiful bird
the way allthat tonnage
drools along with the clouds
the way it lands on its
own 2 landing gear but
what gets me is
the way it can’t back up
16
taxi’d
the runway behind
24 other flights
for
1½ hrs
8 am liftoff
soaring west
2132 airmiles
9:25 am
hello los angeles
17
o the fine (coff) man
in the aisle seat
blew his god damn
nose with a kleenex
stuffed into
the back seat pocket
of the middle
chair in front of us
he stinks
fuckin pigfuck
18
i am goin
to sleep
this
one
out
PS
daddy told me
before i left
when my good friend
picks me up
at lax don’t
say
HI JACK
too
loud
**pico and western**
pico and western
is just as bukowski
wrote it
lived it
ate it alive
dangerous curvy
people walk it
today
like buk did
yesterday and
now like i got
a chance
to do
