Untitled by Dave Dembinski

 

February sucked. I have never had a worse month in my entire fucking life. I'm a believer that everything is an experience to be valued, though, so I'm going to go over all the shit that happened in the hopes that someone can get something out of it, even if it is just mild amusement. Now, before you all start sending me letters saying how your life is so much worse than mine and how i'm a spoiled SOB and what not, don't. It'll piss me off and I'll probably dedicate next month's column to making fun of you and misquoting you and just generally being a dick. I know February sucked for a good amount of the population, a phenomenon I'm still trying to explain.

Most of the month was spent breaking up, getting back together, and breaking up again with my girlfriend Amber. We had been dating since about a week after both of us got here (college), so it's been tough trying to adjust to being single. i've discovered that there's not many attractive girls who are interested in the same things i am, namely computers, martial arts and being bitter. i'd go into why we broke up, but it mostly involves me being a dumbass, being terrified of the thought of marriage, and deciding the women of the world needed more Dave.

Ok, so hands up everyone who had relationship problems this past month. . . yeah, i thought so. What the fuck happened?? Was it the recession? Lingering fears from 9/11? Rays from space? Are the planets misaligned? More importantly, when is this going to happen again so i can plan to be out of the country? But that wasn't all, my friends.

When I got back from x-mas vacation, i was fighting what i thought was a bout of depression, so i went to the health center on campus for some prozac. oh, but they decided they needed to take blood to make sure there wasn't anything else wrong with me. guess what? so they sent me to somebody in Solon (a good half an hour by car, which i DON'T FUCKING HAVE) to get prodded and queried and harassed and finally told they don't know what's wrong with me but i can't drink or have fun until they do. This was right in the middle of the aforementioned breakup process. Motherfuckers. So i wait a month, and finally i go back a couple days ago to see just what the problem is. they still don't know. Fuck them, i'm drinking. I went 21 fucking years without noticing any problems, i don't feel sick now, i haven't since that first week i came back in January; they can suck a bag of pants.

Then, to top it all off, on February 28, the last day of the month, my roommate's sister found her boyfriend dead on the floor of his apartment. Now, neither Sam nor I liked the guy, but it still shook him up and now he has to be a big brother for a while. Oh, did I mention that he broke up with his own girlfriend of 8 months or so the week before? This only affects me in a third-hand way, but it still sucks.

Amber said something about all this that sums it up nicely:
"T.S. Eliot said that April was the cruelest month, but he got it wrong."

Go to hell, February. Take your shit with you. And if you come back i'll break your legs.

_dave